My Mother's Stroke: A Year in Review

A few weeks ago marked the one-year anniversary of my mother's stroke.  What happened on March 13th, 2010 would significantly (even drastically) change the lives of the Whitaker family and impact many, many others. The same event that seemingly turned our world upside down and easily resulted in the most difficult, worrisome, and trying year of our lives ultimately unfolded into the year in which we would become most intimate with the magnitude of God's awesomeness.  It was the year where we experienced and were made most aware of His incontrovertible love (and loving-kindness), awe-inspiring grace, power and work along with the immeasurable joy and peace He provides despite the circumstances. It was the year that the Lord, in His providence, would chose my mother to further put on display the riches of His glory through the onset of her affliction, and through her perseverance, faith, healing and ongoing recovery. I, seriously, cannot believe it has been a year already, but seeing that it has been; it is fitting for me to reflect (and recap) on our experience this past year in order to honor my mom's plight and how the Lord's radiance and splendor and our growth in Him was accomplished through it. 

The Event
It was a Saturday morning, not too different from other Saturday mornings.  My parents had a busy day planned and both had to rise early. My mother, rising considerably earlier than my father, was on her way to the hairdresser.  She had complained about tingling in her hands and a headache the day before, but nothing serious was thought of it.  As she was getting ready, she fell out on the floor, fully awake and cognizant.  The thump of her hitting the ground woke my father up, but he thought nothing of it and went back to sleep.  Fast forward to an hour later and my father finally gets up and sees mom, conscious but laid on the floor unable to get up.  At this point realizing something was wrong, he picks my mom up, walks her to the bed and calls 911.  It was a stroke.  The police arrived, but because of a new ordinance in the city of Bolingbrook, all ambulances were to take patients to the newly opened Bolingbrook Hospital instead of the usual Edward's Hospital, which was the biggest hospital in the surrounding area.  The problem with this was that Bolingbrook Hospital did not have a neurology department.  So as my mother was admitted and diagnosed with having a stroke, she had to wait 30 minutes to an hour for a neurologist to show up after the hospital called him. This was after the considerable amount of time the hospital spent attempting to diagnose her condition.  Now anyone who knows anything about strokes knows they are as time sensitive as it gets. Every second counts.

After finally arriving and doing some more testing of his own, the neurologist agreed that mom had a ischemic stroke caused by a blood clot in the brain.  He administered a drug called TPA, which is known to successfully reverse the effects of strokes when administered within a given range of time (3 hours). However, in mom's case, it was administered too late. The neurologist knowing this was bad called up Rush Hospital in downtown Chicago (coincidentally where both my parents were employed and met 30+ years earlier). The head neurologist there told the neurologist in Bolingbrook to get my mom there ASAP. He needed to perform a mechanical surgery on mom as a last attempt to clear the blockage/clot.  What happened next was startling.  Instead of life-flighting her downtown (which could be anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours in vehicle traffic), the hospital in Bolingbrook called an ambulance service that did not show up for 2 hour!.  Then it took an hour and a half to get downtown though traffic.  The delay was so bad that the doctor from Rush called my dad while he in in the ambulance to again stress the urgency and time-sensitive nature of the operation.  Mom finally arrived at Rush and was operated on immediately.  However, the operation was a failure.  They could not clear the clot.  Too much time had passed...

My sister and I did not hear about this until later that afternoon.  We both rushed to Chicago as soon as we could.  I caught a flight from Omaha, while Deanna (my sister) and her husband drove from Dallas.  As I arrived that same day and rushed to the hospital, I was greeted by an image I could not bare to see.  There was a room full of family members and my mom laid out on a bed in ICU, unable to move anything but her eyes. That day, we were introduced to something we were not prepared for - something that would substantially change our lives.

The Immediate Effect and Aftermath
Mom had suffered an immensely massive ischemic stroke that impacted 2/3 of her left hemisphere or equivalently 1/3 of her entire brain. She was completely paralyzed on her right side, plugged up to tons of IVs via tons of wires, suffered from Dysphagia, could not speak or swallow, and as we learned later, had Apraxia and Aphasia. She was completely bed-ridden in ICU, had to feed through a feeding tube, had significant loss of vision on her right side, and could not communicate with the outside world in any way but through the squeezing of  her left hand, and even that was intermittent. To make matters worse, the doctor came in the room and made sure we understood that was was a good chance that mom would never speak (maybe not even eat) again, walk again, move her right side, or understand anything we say to her.

This was by far the greatest tragedy we had ever experienced. Our superwoman, who was the one most concerned with health among us, was fighting for her life. We did not know what to do.  I remember my sister and I, in the hospital, crying our eyes out.  She was our mother, our mentor, our counselor, our guidance, our biggest supporter and the one who sacrificed so much in her life in order for us to be successful. She was the one who led us to Christ and showed us how to live for Him.  But now we were worried if we could ever speak to her again, ever receive her advice, ever enjoy a laugh or normal activities with her again. After all, she is the foundation of the family and did so much.  She was in her early 60s, worked full time in Human Resources Employee Relations at Good Samaritan Hospital and was incredibly active in church and the community.  She was a Sunday School teacher, headed a domestic abuse community group, discipled countless women in the faith and toook care of the household..  She did the finances, paid the bills, the cleaning, the cooking, and kept everything organized all while working full time and keeping up with her kids. One day she was doing all that and the next she was bed-ridden in the hospital, unable to do anything (and I mean anything) on her own.  We still don't know how she managed to do all that, because we struggled (all three of us, Deanna, Dad and I) to step in her shoes and fill in.

Everyone was shocked.  Her church family, co-workers and friends all could not believe it. Of course we couldn't either.  The prayers, cards, visits all were pouring in like crazy. We couldn't keep up.  She is truly loved.  She was the one suffering, but her stoke hit everyone hard. Deanna and I struggled to even understand what was going on because the person who did so much for us and the entire family (so much!!!) could now not even do one thing for herself. I know I speak for my family and I when I say there is no greater pain we could have experienced, even from our own ailments, then from watching our mother go through hers. And that is not even considering the pain my mother herself felt (though she dealt with it way better than we did).

Intense Therapy
After about a week in ICU, mom was sent to Illinois Masonic up north for in-patient therapy and we practically lived there with her. Her diagnoses from Rush were not encouraging.  She did pass the swallow test (Praise God!) but had shown no progress in speaking or moving her right side. The doctors were not even sure mom could understand what they were saying or anyone else for that matter (But we knew better; come on, she is our mom). While dad started back to work, Deanna (who had just started her job as a lawyer in Dallas as a first-year associate) and I stayed with mom doing her physical, occupational and speech therapies.  Praise God for Deanna, because I swear she spent far more time in Chicago than in Dallas during this time.  She somehow spent weeks at a time in Chicago, got her work done, and saw to mom's every need.

We were there though it all. As God had allowed our world to come crashing down, we watched as He slowly put it back together.  We watched my mom slowly regain it all. Her brain began finding new pathways and routes to accomplish the same tasks she could do before the stroke. I remember tearing up watching her move her arm for the first time, wiggle her toes for the first time, stand on her own for the first time, eat and swallow for the first time, sing and make sounds for the first time, use the bathroom on her own for the first time, laugh for the first time, and speak words for the first time since the stroke.  We were able to witness it all (every little bit had to be relearned and not of it was certain but she pulled through). I remember one night I was there with her and I knew she wanted something and could not figure out what she wanted and I leaned in and she whispered "lights off."  Days earlier she couldn't even speak.  Tears fell down my cheek, and she and I shared a laugh as I went to turn the lights off so she could go to sleep.  I knew right then, that God was using her and this situation in a mighty powerful way - for His glory. (We got plenty more examples just like this too).

Beautiful thing was, she was still acting like mom this whole time - whether it be by hand movements or a few words, she would communicate.  By the time she left inpatient therapy and was admitted to outpatient rehab, Mom could walk without her cane (for short distances), speak a little and boss us around like usual (in love of course). Her right hand, which was the last physical movement she regained, still wasn't moving like we wanted, but she was moving it. Even at therapy though, the therapists who only spent less than an hour a day with her sometimes, were convinced she had comprehension issues. But we who were with her 24/7 knew better and, of course, we know how to read our mother.  God is so good though.  Mom had some difficulties expressing herself at first because, obviously, she had a stroke. Primarily in speech, her output was affected, so she couldn't always say what she wanted to or meant, but she could understand and process almost everything. So while the therapists were focused only on her output and correlated that to her understanding, Deanna and I, who talked to her all day, everyday knew that was far from the case.  By the end of inpatient therapy, the therapist admitted (and discovered) that Mom did not have a comprehension issue.  We were so blessed because so many people who suffer a stroke this massive do not have such quick or as successful of a recovery as she was having.  So many people don't make significant progress for years, or can speak but cannot comprehend and many even die.  We were blessed to have our mom, alive, doing well and as sharp as ever! 
 
How She Doing Now?
Fast forward a year and you would not even think she had a massive stoke and she looks great.  We haven't seen her cane or wheelchair in over 10 months.  She out of outpatient and day rehab, and does therapy on her own online. She can do all her daily activities by herself.  She can move around the house exceptionally well, get on the computer to use her therapy software, cook, clean, fix her own lunches, watches tv, calls Deanna and I all the time.  The amount of improvement that occurred in only a few months time is credible and only possible through God. She is back attending church and even works out at church 3 times a week with ladies from church.  She is not driving yet and her right leg bothers her sometimes, but she is doing everything else.  She is starting to write again and say more and more sentences (She adjusts my groceries lists all the time).

The only significant lasting effect from the stroke is still her verbal output.  She knows what she wants to say, but has trouble saying the first sound of the first word.  The part of the brain most affected by the stroke seems to be the area that helps her remember how to start words or phrases. Once she starts the first sound of the first word, the rest just comes out fine.  So she doesn't miss a beat in the conversation, but has a little trouble starting her words. The amazing thing is, that every week, she is speaking more and more on her own without any assistance.  Deanna and I, literally speak on the phone to her everyday and have very elaborate conversations. She keeps us up-to-date on everything that happens in her day.

They say most of the improvement/recovery from strokes happens within the first 6 months to a year, but even after a year she is still improving at a decent rate. No she is not back to exactly how she was before the stroke, but it's absolutely astonishing how close she is (seriously).  There was a huge difference between what the doctors said and what God did.  And the most incredible thing is (as I stated in an earlier post), she has yet to complain.  She took this burden on from jump like she knew God was using her to show His greatness to the world.  She could have easily have been done and out because she 'lost' the life that she had earlier and her world did a 180.  But quite the contrary, her faith never wavered but became stronger; she did lose the life she once had, but was chosen to experience a greater one.  She overcame the countless obstacles and difficulties that come from a stroke and broke through with flying colors. She still wears that same smile on her face and displays that same personality she always had. And we all (family, friends, anyone who sees) stand in amazement of what God has done and is still doing...

For the past 10 months, we have had a faithful group of ladies come and spend time with mom everyday while my dad goes off to work (a different lady each day).  What a wonderful group! However, mom is doing so well that she kicks them out early everyday (around noon) and just chills by herself at the house.  It wasn't that long ago that we could not leave her alone by herself, and now, she can completely take care of herself (Consequently, she tells Deanna and I not to come home as much, but we still show up). Praise God!

Why Did God Allow This to Happen? What Was God Up to?
I would be remissed if I did not address what I learned from this whole ordeal - and what God was doing through it all. I would be lying if I did not spend the majority of last year asking why God allowed this to happen.  As one of my cousins put it, "She never did nothing to no one."  Though I know we all stand guilty before God, my mother was one who consistently put God on display in her life.  She was dedicated to serving Him in all aspects of her life.  She was so involved in the church, sharing the gospel and truly living for Him. Not only that but she was in excellent health and did so much for her friends and family.  She was a anchor that we all relied on. Why her Lord?  Why her? - I kept asking. She was about as blameless as we can be (not sinless, but someone who bears the image of Christ so radiantly - someone we could imitate).  Is this just another case of 'why do bad things happen to good people?' - and don't seem to happen to the bad.  Why her Lord?  Why her?

As I was angry with God and felt totally lost and disoriented for weeks, I soon realized that what happened is nothing new.  I remember the story of Job and Joseph in the Bible and realized that what God did with them was very, very similar to what God was accomplishing through our mother.  Job and Joseph both suffered, but didn't do anything to suffer.  They hadn't reaped what they sowed.  They weren't being punished. They did nothing to deserve or bring about suffering. But God allowed, even orchestrated tragedies to beset their lives for His purpose. God chose them as bearers of great suffering to advance His own redemptive purposes - to display His glory - to further reveal Himself and demonstrate His power and grace through them to others.  In short, God wanted to do something that was bigger than them, and to accomplish this He chose to inflict them.  It doesn't matter how it went down, God uses it for good (Romans 8:28; and for Himself). Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery which God used for His own greater purpose.  What looked like an impossible situation turned into an awesome one for Joseph and an even more awesome display of God's glory (same with my Mom).  In the case of Job, God asked Satan if he considered His servant Job.  In that same way, God asks if we have considered His servant Diana (mom).

Truth is, we stray sometimes, we aren't as dedicated to God as we should be, we do our own things.  So what if God does the completely unexpected? - (Mom suffers a stroke with no significant health issues or lifestyle inconsistencies) by taking one of His major players and chosing them to accomplish His purpose through them - to teach those around them - to get their attention and draw them to him.  The reality is our mother's stroke affected us and those around us far more than it seemed to affect her - on a spiritual and maturity level. I can't even imagine what my Mom went through and is going through, but I do know that I have never experienced pain anywhere close to seeing my mom suffer.  I would give my life to have allowed her to suffer less or not to have experienced the stroke.  I know my sister would say the same.  Doesn't it seem a bit odd that mom never complained and bore this suffering like she knew God was doing something.  As before the stroke, she is consistently putting His agenda above her own. Members of the church family and friends were running to their Bibles more than ever before - because they saw what God was doing through mom.  They saw prayers answered, they saw healing and restoration, and they saw a woman who had so much to complain about, always be in the best spirits.

As with Job, God seemed to have taken almost everything from her, but she did not bulge in her commitment to Him.  Her suffering was not for her own benefit necessarily, but for everyone else's around her.  She had been broken already.  She had been brought low (many years ago) and had been on fire and faithful to Christ ever since.  Now it was our turn.  I know for sure I was broken,  I was brought low.  I was completely "stripped of my 'self dependence and pride.' " I was completely dependent on God and realized in a greater way than before how I was (and none of us are) anything without Him.  Because of this I was completely revived in my dedication and reliance upon the Lord and many others were too. Many say that it takes being broken to be qualified to be used by God.  That is the mark of someone who God is going to do 'His thing' though.  All those who are greatly used by God have been broken (e.g., Paul, thorn in his side) by God to teach humility and total dependence on Him.

Sometimes, I still have a hard time believing the stroke happened, but I know one thing, I refuse to take for granted the things of the Lord.  What started out as a seemingly hopeless situation turned into one that keeps me praising Him all day long.  It was a honor for God to use my mom in this way.  Instead of blaming Him, I now know and worship Him in a greater way. So why did God allow this to happen?  What was He up to?  The usual - displaying His glory and accomplishing His purpose, but this time - just like many other times in history, He does it in a way and uses certain people to make sure the radiance of His glory is being both felt and seen - to make sure that we cannot miss it. I cannot wait to see what else He has in store!!!!!!!!!! I rejoice because through my Mom, God is glorified!